Hello Maryland!!!

    I flew to Maryland to visit my sister Becki, nephews Justin and Ryan, and brother-in-law Barry on July 12 - 25.  I had a great time and would love to do that again in the future.  Justin is my oldest nephew who's I think 21 and Becki were the main ones who were doing things with me, which was fine.  I would've loved to do things with Ryan also.  The second week I was there, it started to rain nonstop.  Then, the day I was going to be leaving Maryland, it was delayed 2 times.  When I got home, it was 2 in the morning.  I also read 2 books in Maryland... and then 5 more in the summer.  That shows you how much I spent time with friends.
    I am also trying to lose weight along with my dad.  I lost 18 pounds.  It all started when my tooth had to be taken out. 
   
   

Welcome back emo!

Yesterday, the 29th of June, Sue O emo left Korea for good and came to stay at my parents house.  Just for the time being until her daughter finds her a condo in Tennessee, which I heard last night that her daughter already got her a place.  So I guess she's not going to stay long.
This whole thing is messed up to me though, just listening to the story of her and her daughter.  If I were emo, I definitely would not take the condo in Tennessee.  I mean the condo will be under her daughter's name and she doesn't want emo to see her granddaughter at all.  She's only going to see emo once or twice a month to help out with the groceries.  So the reason she's moving to Tennessee?  I don't know. 

Unfair

Well... so my dad took me to the Department of Rehabilitation self-service portal today.  It took about an hour to get there.  I know that my dad would rather be doing something that he wants to do.  My mom told me and my dad that we were going out with the pastor and his family soon.  We meaning all 3 of us.  Well... when my dad and I got home, my mom told us that the pastor and his family and my mom went out to eat at the place I really wanted to go.  I know I'm acting like such a child but my mom said that all of us were going.  She doesn't want just the 3 of us to go... I know she says that we're going to go... but we never do.
I think that my mom is so selfish sometimes.  She does what she wants to do and leaves dad driving me to appointments.  Tomorrow I need to go to the dentist... which is in Tustin... so of course my dad has to take me while my mom goes out with her friends. 

Crap!

My life right now sucks!  I said it... sucks!  It feels like I have no one in my little bubble.  I'm 30... in ten more years I'll be 40... and where has my life gone?  I'm still a child.  I do childlike things all the time.  When people say "just stop" I wanna just punch them.  They don't know how I'm feeling... they only know the me that they see.  The same with everyone else.  My tooth is gone... I'm lazy... there's nothing to do at home (except watch tv and read, but I really don't want to do those all day).  It's super boring because none of my friends are down here.  April has her baby and a husband... but I have none of those.  I really just want a boyfriend.  Maybe I'll never have one.  All of these horrible thoughts get into my brain when I feel down. 

Implant

I've never had an implant before and didn't know that it would take so long to heal.  Wednesday, May 30th was the day.  I went inside the dentist's office and then it started.  He (the dentist) put a post where my front tooth was.  The dentist numbed my mouth... but I could hear everything that he was doing to my fake tooth.  Hearing what was going on was painful enough.  
I cannot eat anything hard and crunchy now, only soft things for 6 months. Wow.  No more meat... unless I cut it up into tiny pieces... but then it won't be the same, no more chips, no more candy... which is probably a good thing... that'll make me lose weight.  That means that I'll have to go to my sister Becki's house in Maryland in July like this... and I'll have to go to school like this.  

Yesterday, Saturday, my parents took me to the dentist, and he gave me a temporary tooth.  So, I can put that on whenever I go places... but the tooth is just for show... I can't chew anything on it... 

The whole thing that the dentist/surgeon did was kinda cool.  The bone needs to be built up more to give it more strength to hold the implant post.  They added my own stem cells and blood to my gums to cover up the post that they already implanted.  When the bone grows thicker, it will fill in all the gaps between the threads of the post for strength.  That process will take about 6 months.  Then they will need to put the imbutment on top of the post.  Lastly, the tooth will be glued and/or screwed on top of the imbutment.  

Tooth... ughhh

I took this pill called the chamomile sleeping pill (or something like that) maybe 3 months ago, and I passed out while standing up.  Luckily I didn't break anything like my neck.  The only thing that I damaged was my tooth.  Well, I'm going into the dentist's office for the 2nd time on the 30th of May.  I think that the dentist is going to take my whole tooth out.  Then for 2 weeks or months I'm going to be wearing a fake tooth (which I can take out at night).  I'm going to be having an implant... fun stuff.  At least summer break started yesterday, so I don't need to worry about school and the pain at the same time.  It takes 6 months to heal.  Wow. 

Please Stay...

Ok... my mom's best friend is staying with us for 2 weeks from Korea and today is her last day here.  She is a citizen of the US... and my mom asked her if she wanted to stay here with us until her daughter finds her a condo in Tennessee.  She said that she wanted to stay but I think she has a lot of pride and she's really stubborn.  She does not like where she's living in Korea.  She said that she is living in a poor area where there are bugs in her apartment everyday.  She said that she envy's us because of all we have.  O my... she could have this too!  My mom said that they're getting older and that this will probably be their last time seeing each other... because how many times are we going to have the chance to go to Tennessee? 

New leg brace!

Today, I'm going to be getting my new leg brace.  Yipeee.  The one that I have now hurts my right foot, and the Velcro straps are all worn out so my foot doesn't stay in place inside of my brace.  I'm not sure if my brace is the reason as to why my foot and lower leg is hurting me.  The brace that I have now is a one piece brace and looks like this one.

The one that I am getting today is a two piece brace. 
I hate leg braces!  They all hurt!  I guess I'm emotional now... I'm emotional almost everyday.  Now my leg has pain going up every once in a while. 

Go Lin!

My sister, Lindsay, got a job at Cal Poly Pomona in pay roll almost a year ago.  No more Pet Co!  No more weekly schedules.  She now has an 8 - 5 job.  Wow!  Good for her.  She got the job because a friend of hers, who works at Cal Poly, told her about the job opening and turned in her resume for her.  So it's thanks to her that my sister has that job.  Things are changing so much.  My sister has a new job and I'm going to school again.  That's why I like to have a journal and this blog.  I like reading what happened last year or 5 years ago and see how much I've improved and how much my family has improved.  

I must tell you the truth though.  I do get jealous from time to time.  I know that I shouldn't and I should just be happy for her, but it sometimes is very difficult.  

Feeling down...

On Facebook, I joined so many brain tumor and traumatic brain injury groups.  There are people just like me out there spread across the U.S.  They know what I'm going through.  I would read their stories and I would so relate.  Sheesh, I really wish that I could hang out and become friends with at least one of them.  Sometimes it feels like no one understands what I'm going through.  Simple things can make me cry.  Simple things can make me angry.  I act so much younger than my age.  I still live with my parents.  I haven't even had a boyfriend before.   My bday is next month and I'll be 30.  THIRTY!! And I haven't even had a boyfriend.  That's pathetic.  I'm pathetic.  I want to just be normal again.  You know... as I grow older, I see how much life does "suck".  It's not fair to any of us; it certainly isn't for me.   

Friends can be toxic

I've met this lady I think 4 years ago.  She has a different view of life than I do.  Whenever I invited her over, she would bring someone else.  Like my birthday 2 years ago... I invited her... and she brought her boyfriend.  Ok... he was not invited and he was not my friend.  She said she invited someone else also but he didn't show up.  She should've asked me first if she could invite others.  And when she was with her boyfriend, it seemed as if she only cared about that relationship.  Ya relationships are important, but if you invite someone to your place, you shouldn't make them feel as if they're invisible.  They would fight and fight.  I can't drive so I couldn't go anywhere.  I thought she would be a great friend... but the more and more I think about it... I think that she's just using me to get what she wants.  She doesn't drive right now and neither do I for totally opposite reasons.  Well, I went to Starbucks about 2 weeks - 3 weeks ago to see her and talk to her.  It seemed as if she was so caught up in the fact that she broke up with this guy 6 months ago and I wasn't there for her.  She didn't even try and talk to me on Facebook.  She wants me to do all the work?  WELL WHAT ABOUT ME?  WHAT ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I WAS GOING THROUGH?  Is that even important to her?  It's like she doesn't even care about me, only her.  I am disabled, I need the right type of friends around me... I need people to understand me and my problem(s).  She has never been there for me.  Things go more than 1 way... and with her it seemed as if everything was always going in her direction.  When she talked with me, it seemed as if what I was saying didn't even matter enough to pay attention.  She was looking around at other people and not at the person who was talking.  Ok, some people might say they need to look around also because that helps them concentrate... so she could've been paying attention.  She said she was sorry to me... but then she said, "but..." and flipped the whole thing around on me... to where everything was my fault.  She might be a great friend... just not for me.   

I'm back!!!!

Hey!  It's been forever!  A lot has happened in my life.  I'm now married with 1 child and finally live on my own... ummmm... ya right.  Life has been bumpy.  In 2016, I went back to college.  In 2019, if everything goes well, I'm going to be getting my AA Degree in child development.  I love children... so I'm going to be a TA for preschoolers!  O my... I have to observe a preschooler or a toddler for the whole semester.  So I observe a toddler who is 2 years old, and his name is Logan, and I observe on Fridays.  Logan is sooooooo adorable!  I follow him and write what he does... and a lot of the time he wants to play with me.  That makes me kinda want a child of my own... but I know it will be very difficult... and besides... I need a husband first. 
2 weeks or so ago, I took this pill to help me sleep.  Boy did it do it's job... but at the wrong time.  I was going to the bathroom... I got up and turned a corner... and "BOOM." I fell asleep standing up... I fell to the ground like a log.  I yelled out, "mom, dad," before I hit the ground.  When I woke up the next morning... my tooth (it's a crown) hurt... I didn't know until last week that I broke my tooth from the root.  Ouchie!
My right foot hurts when I walk.  When I twist my foot in a certain position, it feels like my ankle goes out of joint.  I went to Kaiser Urgent Care a couple of days ago and got an x-ray of my foot.  I though that there would be something wrong, but the PA (physicians assistant) said that my foot is a little inflamed but that's it.  WHAT!?  Wow, will my foot just get better if I get rid of the inflammation?  I really don't want foot pains for the rest of my life.