Broken up

Ok I've noticed something going on for a little while.  He wouldn't invite me anywhere, he seemed like he didn't even want to see me, and he seemed very distant.  There were so many thoughts going in and out of my head.  We're not acting like bf and gf anymore.  We haven't for a long time.  When we broke up, we were inside of his car on the freeway for 3 hours.  3 hours!  There was so much traffic, and we had to take a detour.  I was kind of thinking about getting out of the car and calling a parent to come and pick me up, but I didn't of course.  I wanted to act like an adult for once.  He only told me he wanted to be friends after I told him what he's been doing.  So if I didn't tell him anything then we'd still be together?  But I would still be cut out of everything and feel isolated and lonely?  He should've just told me when he just wanted to be friends.  O well.  I really liked him and I wanted things to work, but I guess he didn't.  My first and last.  

Does he even like me?

Ok, last night he told me about the wedding he was going to attend today.  No invite.  I'm so tired of waiting for him to invite me anywhere, which he obviously doesn't want to do.  He makes it sound like he wants me to go, but then he crumples it.  He is ashamed of me.  He lives 2 lives, his dance side and his church side.  He invited me to his church and I know a few people there, but then with his dance side I know nothing about.  I want to.  He hasn't even invited me over to his house.  Oh and he has a new house which he has a roommate which is his friend.  He says that I should come over sometime.  You know what that means.  He's never going to invite me over.  I just feel so lonely.  All the time now.  Are you supposed to feel like this?

The big D (depressed)

Ok, I thought if or when I had a boyfriend I would feel a lot differently (in a good way).  Ever since my graduation (5/23) I have been depressed and it is 6/6.  I feel that my life is worth absolutely nothing.  My life is going nowhere.  I look at Nasrin and she just got her Bachelor's Degree, and she's going for her Master's and then her Doctorate.  Wow!  And she has her entire family pushing her to be her best.  What do I have?  Parents who don't push me at all.  I want to feel needed.  To feel wanted.  I know, I shouldn't compare.  My mom compares so much, so guess who I got that from?

Hello Maryland!!!

    I flew to Maryland to visit my sister Becki, nephews Justin and Ryan, and brother-in-law Barry on July 12 - 25.  I had a great time and would love to do that again in the future.  Justin is my oldest nephew who's I think 21 and Becki were the main ones who were doing things with me, which was fine.  I would've loved to do things with Ryan also.  The second week I was there, it started to rain nonstop.  Then, the day I was going to be leaving Maryland, it was delayed 2 times.  When I got home, it was 2 in the morning.  I also read 2 books in Maryland... and then 5 more in the summer.  That shows you how much I spent time with friends.
    I am also trying to lose weight along with my dad.  I lost 18 pounds.  It all started when my tooth had to be taken out. 
   
   

Welcome back emo!

Yesterday, the 29th of June, Sue O emo left Korea for good and came to stay at my parents house.  Just for the time being until her daughter finds her a condo in Tennessee, which I heard last night that her daughter already got her a place.  So I guess she's not going to stay long.
This whole thing is messed up to me though, just listening to the story of her and her daughter.  If I were emo, I definitely would not take the condo in Tennessee.  I mean the condo will be under her daughter's name and she doesn't want emo to see her granddaughter at all.  She's only going to see emo once or twice a month to help out with the groceries.  So the reason she's moving to Tennessee?  I don't know. 

Unfair

Well... so my dad took me to the Department of Rehabilitation self-service portal today.  It took about an hour to get there.  I know that my dad would rather be doing something that he wants to do.  My mom told me and my dad that we were going out with the pastor and his family soon.  We meaning all 3 of us.  Well... when my dad and I got home, my mom told us that the pastor and his family and my mom went out to eat at the place I really wanted to go.  I know I'm acting like such a child but my mom said that all of us were going.  She doesn't want just the 3 of us to go... I know she says that we're going to go... but we never do.
I think that my mom is so selfish sometimes.  She does what she wants to do and leaves dad driving me to appointments.  Tomorrow I need to go to the dentist... which is in Tustin... so of course my dad has to take me while my mom goes out with her friends. 

Crap!

My life right now sucks!  I said it... sucks!  It feels like I have no one in my little bubble.  I'm 30... in ten more years I'll be 40... and where has my life gone?  I'm still a child.  I do childlike things all the time.  When people say "just stop" I wanna just punch them.  They don't know how I'm feeling... they only know the me that they see.  The same with everyone else.  My tooth is gone... I'm lazy... there's nothing to do at home (except watch tv and read, but I really don't want to do those all day).  It's super boring because none of my friends are down here.  April has her baby and a husband... but I have none of those.  I really just want a boyfriend.  Maybe I'll never have one.  All of these horrible thoughts get into my brain when I feel down. 

Implant

I've never had an implant before and didn't know that it would take so long to heal.  Wednesday, May 30th was the day.  I went inside the dentist's office and then it started.  He (the dentist) put a post where my front tooth was.  The dentist numbed my mouth... but I could hear everything that he was doing to my fake tooth.  Hearing what was going on was painful enough.  
I cannot eat anything hard and crunchy now, only soft things for 6 months. Wow.  No more meat... unless I cut it up into tiny pieces... but then it won't be the same, no more chips, no more candy... which is probably a good thing... that'll make me lose weight.  That means that I'll have to go to my sister Becki's house in Maryland in July like this... and I'll have to go to school like this.  

Yesterday, Saturday, my parents took me to the dentist, and he gave me a temporary tooth.  So, I can put that on whenever I go places... but the tooth is just for show... I can't chew anything on it... 

The whole thing that the dentist/surgeon did was kinda cool.  The bone needs to be built up more to give it more strength to hold the implant post.  They added my own stem cells and blood to my gums to cover up the post that they already implanted.  When the bone grows thicker, it will fill in all the gaps between the threads of the post for strength.  That process will take about 6 months.  Then they will need to put the imbutment on top of the post.  Lastly, the tooth will be glued and/or screwed on top of the imbutment.